Tuesday, October 4, 2011

I am not a Sponge

Eeeew, this is going to be an ugly gripe post. Another testament that I am only but a flawed human being who harbors some pretty intense emotions about issues that really (no, I mean REALLY) should have no impact on my life at all.

Let me start by saying I am not a good listener. As I understand there are others who want to vent just to vent and be heard and that's that. They need a sponge in the form of a friend to help absorb the burden on their shoulders. I, however, even in the midst of my wanting a real close (and local) friend, can't seem to assume the sponge position!

You see, I'm what you call a "fixer." There's a problem? Well, rest assured, Missus Och is here to offer solutions! So when I am placed in the position of the ventee, I find myself honing in on the problem and formulating fixes. Not such a desirable thing in a sponge, I tell you.

The funny thing is, I don't even think this is the reason why I don't have many friends.  Why am I so bold to say this? (I mean, 'cuz that should be reason in and of itself, right?) Well, I dare to assume so because I still find myself being requested to perform the role of said sponge...from the same people. And it actually gets to the point that I am fed up with it!

Me, ending a friendship because I am failing as a friend...how dysfunctional is that?!?!? I've thought long and hard about this. I am a fixer because it means I am in control. I refuse to let a problem bog me down and get the better of me. Yes, I am a complete control freak, alpha female. (Lord, help my husband.)

So, when someone comes to me and complains about something....receives a number of options to solve slash alleviate the dilemma...and then decides to do nothing about it....I just get really turned off.  Because in my mind, you are surrendering to your problem, and therefore forfeit your right to whine about it. The friend doesn't even need to heed MY advice. Just do something! Take action! Don't play the victim!

Because if you don't...all I here is: "Waaaah wahhhh waaaah wahh. "In other words: "Boo hoo, I hate this is happening, but I'm gonna sit here and LET it happen. Listen to me boo hoo again and again and again, please."

By that point, I'm done. I don't want to hear anymore. Really, people! No action should equate to no whining!

That view, apparently, hasn't been passed as law into the Universal Friend Constitution. I still have not mastered the art of being what others call a "friend," I suppose. A sponge I am not. Oh, well.

So there.

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